Posts tagged happiness

10 Important Life Lessons I’ve Learned in the Last 5 Months

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Just two weeks after my “wake-up call” I took the above photo,
showcasing the highest score I ever got bowling, beating my husband for the first time!

I recently received an email from an UpGusto subscriber who lost his girlfriend who he intended to marry, and his job, all in one fell swoop. He was in despair about his life and in deep depression. I emailed him back, and I decided to share with you all what I wrote to him (plus a couple extra points) because my response is applicable to everyone’s life at one point or another, maybe even right this moment for some of you. I hope you can gain some insight to apply to your life today and on an ongoing basis to improve your own well being for the long term.

I’m sorry you have been going through such a difficult time. It is hard to understand why things may be happening as they are, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. You never know what God has planned for you. It is always better than what we imagine for ourselves, and we tend to try to thwart God’s plans with our plans. That is what happened to me back in late June. I was living my life my way, and everything seemed to be going along just fine, when WHAM! Wake-up call. An extremely unfortunate event had taken place and when I came to realize what was going on it was like a huge slap in the face. A huge slap in my life! But 5 months later and I am actually already grateful for what has happened because I think it actually saved my life.

I was going down the wrong path. I kept doing the same things expecting different results, which is basically insanity. My life seemed fine, but since my wake-up call, I have realized so much of what I was doing was for the wrong reasons and a lot of what I was doing was completely unnecessary and it wasn’t resulting in a better life as I had been hoping for all along. I was stressing myself out to the max. I immediately simplified my life so I could survive the turmoil I was going through at the moment. And as soon as I did that, my life immediately became that much more manageable… basically easier to deal with on a daily basis. It’s funny how when you’re overly responsible, you tend to take on more responsibility than is actually necessary.

I tend to take care of others instead of myself, but since my wake-up call, I have been learning to take care of myself, and that has been an amazing thing. I am learning who I am and what I really want out of life, and I’m not displeasing God in the process like I thought I would be if I lived life this way. I thought taking care of myself was selfish, but really it’s self-care. There is a difference between selfishness, selflessness, and self-care, and I have realized that now. At the moment, my goal is self-care, and once I feel like my life is finally on track, I can work on being more selfless, but self-care is never selfish. When you take care of yourself, you are taking the burden off someone else to care for you. When you take care of your self, you are taking responsibility for your life, and you can learn to allow others to take responsibility for themselves too, and that is very freeing.

I don’t know why your relationship ended, what caused it, or what the current end of that relationship will bring you in the future (or in your present). I don’t know why you lost your job, or what God has in store for you instead. I do know that when these sorts of things happen to us that we need to wake up and take a look at ourselves and how we are living our lives. Take a look at our priorities, our actions, and what our past actions and behaviors have gotten us thus far, and what changes we can make in ourselves to get us to where we actually want to go, rather than doing the same things forever, expecting that one day things will finally get better (it won’t if we keep doing the same things).

I realized many things in these last 5 months:

  1. I am responsible for myself and only myself (and if you have children then you are also responsible for taking care of them to the best of your ability).
  2. Others are responsible for themselves, I am not responsible for them. I can’t control others or improve other people’s lives. They have to do that themselves. If I have insight, I can give them insight, but it is up to them to take the appropriate actions to take care of themselves.
  3. I can be myself and I can allow others to be themselves. We are all humans, with flaws and talents, both good and bad qualities. We are all equal, and we are all equally and fully loved by God. All people are capable of doing bad things, and all people can be blessings to others as well.
  4. I don’t have to do everything. I don’t have to do anything extra or unnecessary, and I need to have my priorities straight. I don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations, or even my own expectations I have placed on myself, and the imaginary expectations I think God has of me. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do because doing things I don’t want to do would be doing things with the wrong heart and motives. That is not to say that I shouldn’t do what I am responsible for, but if it involves something I am not responsible for, then I should not do it unless my heart is in the right place.
  5. Money is not the most important thing in life. God will take care of our needs. God does want to bless us and He wants us to be happy. But money does not make us happy, and working our lives away just to have more material objects, or to look cool or have a higher social standing is not going to make us happy.
  6. When others are disappointed with me, it is not necessarily my fault. We all grow up gaining different world-views and defenses. We don’t need to take everything personally. Everyone has issues. We ourselves have issues, and it is our responsibility to work on our own personal issues to try to resolve our flawed world-views and useless defenses that we’ve put up to protect ourselves as children, but are actually harmful to us now as adults.
  7. I have learned that my relationship with God is the most important thing, and if I am in close connection to God, everything else actually falls right into place.
  8. Whether or not you believe in God, you can’t go through life alone and you can’t do what you need to do solely through your own power and might. Gaining some form of higher power (HP) who is more powerful than you and can help you do what you cannot do for yourself, is what makes your life manageable and what will eventually bring you serenity.
  9. You don’t have to be a religious person to have or find a higher power. Most of life’s problems are actually spiritual at the root. Spirituality and a connection with God (or higher power) does not necessarily have to be religious. In fact, it’s better if it’s not.
  10. Only a higher power has the power to restore you to sanity. What you give to your higher power (or God) is what your HP will take and deal with for you. But your HP will only take what you surrender, so the key to serenity and sanity is to fully surrender your will and your problems to the God of your understanding.

 
There is hope. In this world, there will be suffering, but that does not mean that all is lost, even if it seems like it now. Try your best at this time to see a broader perspective, that something is happening in your life that needs to happen right now, and it is bigger than you or I. And it can be a huge blessing if you take it by the horns and make the changes in yourself for the better, to bring you a better future. Slowly but surely, we can make the improvements in ourselves, internally, to give us the peace and serenity that we really long for.

What are you struggling with right now that makes you see no hope? Has this message helped give you the perspective you need to move on and make the necessary changes in your life to turn things around for the better? Please leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Also, let me know if you have any questions or would like any feedback.

How to Remove False or Unhelpful Internalizations From Your Childhood #PODCAST

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What false or unhelpful beliefs are you internalizing from your childhood?

What bad habits do you keep (even unwillingly) simply because of something you’re holding on to from your childhood?

Listen up, because this episode is all about how we internalize things from our childhood which hold us back even in our adulthood, and what to do about it. This is a sort of part two from last week, which explained how to form new positive beliefs. This one is all about removing old negative beliefs.

clickplay

Click here to download the podcast mp3.

Click here to watch the video on YouTube.

If you’d prefer to read it rather than watch or listen, the podcast transcript is below!

Thanks for listening. I always love to hear what you have to say! Here’s my thought question for you today:

What internalizations from your childhood are you holding on to that are holding you back in life? What are you going to do about it?

Podcast Transcript:

Hey everybody, it’s Lisha Yost, Founder of UpGusto Personal Development. How’s it going out there today?

I was thinking the other day about this song that we learned in school as a kid.

I asked my husband if he ever heard that song and he said No, so I’m not sure if it was just my elementary school, but I got to thinking about this song and what it meant and it really started to upset me because… Well, I’ll sing the song to you so you get what I mean…

One person, starts off by pointing at someone and saying, “Tommy stole the cookie from the cookie jar.”

And then everyone repeats it, “Tommy stole the cookie from the cookie jar”

Then Tommy says “No I didn’t”

And everyone says “Yes you did”

“No I didn’t”

“Then who?”

Then Tommy chooses someone to blame, for cookie thievery, “Sally Stole the cookie from the cookie jar”

“Sally Stole the cookie from the cookie jar”

“No I didn’t”

“Yes you did”

“No I didn’t”

“Then who?”

Then Sally says, “Johnny stole the cookie from the cookie jar…” and so on.

So the moral of the story is, if someone blames you for something, blame someone else?

Where is this cookie jar, anyway? That’s what I’d like to know. How come we never got any cookies?

Teacher stole the entire cookie jar! Oh yeah she did. That’s what really happened!

Or she never brought us a cookie jar in the first place!

But anyway getting back to seriousness, what this song teaches is pointing the finger, blaming, and lack of taking responsibility.

It’s a really weird song to sing in school for 6 year olds.

So some kids are going to internalize that song and think that everyone is going to blame them for things they didn’t do.

Some kids are going to internalize that song and think they can be mischievous because if they get caught they can just blame it on someone else.

Some kid should just stand up and go “well, I didn’t take any cookies, but I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask my mom if she can bake us a batch of chocolate chip cookies and I’ll bring them to class next time.”

Now that would have been awesome.

I wish I thought of that at the time, but I was way too shy and conservative not to “follow the rules of the game”.

So I went along with it and didn’t think about it until over 20 years later, how screwed up that song is to teach children.

You might say, “Oh who cares? It’s all in good fun. Stop being such a goodie goodie.”

But I say no, it’s more than that. And kids really are actually impressionable. And like I said, we all internalize things as children, and we all internalize different things.

Tony Robbins had a client named Rechaud, who stuttered for his entire life, as long as he could remember.

Tony asked him what his earliest memory was.

He said probably watching Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon.

Tony said, “That’s interesting. Didn’t Bullwinkle stutter? Every time he was in trouble he would call out “R-R-Rocky”. And Rocky would come and save him and everything would be fine.”

Tony told him that kids typically internalize things because of some sort of trauma.

He asked him what else happened in his childhood? And Rechaud said that his parents used to fight a lot.

Tony said, “So you developed a stutter to get your parents’ attention, to stop the fighting, just like Bullwinkle stuttered when he was in trouble. So now there was a new problem for your parents to focus on, and they stopped fighting. So you’ve stuttered all your life because subconsciously that is what solves your problems. But now you’re a man, and stuttering has become your problem. You don’t have to be a two year old anymore. You can be a man. You can be a warrior. Does a warrior stutter? No!”

Anyway, long story short, Tony did a couple little exercises with Rechaud and he immediately stopped stuttering, for good!

And most people can’t believe this can be true. How can someone just rid themselves of stuttering when it’s been a problem for their entire life?

Well, it’s because when we internalize something, we don’t know why we do it, we just do.

When we realize why we do the things we do, when we realize where the problem stems from, we can finally move on from that problem.

It doesn’t mean you’re always gonna get cured from things once you realize why it’s all happening, but it is possible, and that’s what happened for Rechaud.

What are you internalizing from your childhood?

What bad habits do you keep (even unwillingly) simply because of something you’re holding on to from your childhood?

That’s something to think about and figure out.

So STEP ONE is to figure out what events from your childhood that you have internalized, are holding you back from achieving what success means to you.

And STEP TWO is to go through my 4 Steps to Forming New Beliefs, which you can find at upgusto.com/newbeliefs

Thanks for joining me. Share this with your friends and family, and I’ll be back next time with some more great stuff.

Thanks!

Don’t forget to leave a comment, and answer my thought question that I have for you above. You should be able to see it in the small light-gray box with bolded font. Check it out, and answer it in a comment :)

If this motivated you or inspired you to look deep within yourself to discover the false beliefs that are holding you back and remove those false beliefs, please share this post with your friends and family on twitter/facebook/google+ etc! Those share buttons on the left hand side of this post are there for a reason! Click one of those buttons! I know you want to… isn’t clicking buttons fun? ;)

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4 Steps to Forming New Beliefs and Ridding Yourself of Bad Habits #VIDEO

Ever find it hard to get bad brainwashing out of your subconscious and form new positive thoughts that really stick?

Well, you’ve been programmed for years, so what makes you think you’re going to do it over night?

Be patient, but also, use this trick every single day, and you’ll be closer and closer to forming new positive beliefs that will help you become the best you that you’ve ever been!

Subscribe to UpGusto on YouTube for more great stuff every week!

If you’d prefer to listen to this as a podcast, you can click play below:

clickplay

Click here to download the podcast mp3.

If you’d prefer to read it rather than watch or listen, the podcast transcript is below!

Thanks for listening. I always love to hear what you have to say! Here’s my thought question for you today:

What do you think of this as an idea to form new positive beliefs and rid yourself of bad habits? Have you ever tried it? Leave a comment!

Podcast Transcript:

Hey everybody, it’s Lisha Yost, Founder of UpGusto Personal Development, and I wanted to teach you a little trick to change any bad habit in your life.

The funny thing is that we have always told ourselves we are one thing or another (and others have told us too).

So we hold these beliefs about ourselves which hold us back. And when we replace the old belief with a new belief (even if it’s not true yet), we eventually start to believe the new belief over the old one.

I like to say “I am” as if it’s a true statement (even if it isn’t yet).

So instead of thinking, “If only I could lose weight” we can say “I am a healthy person and I do and eat what a healthy person does”.

If we keep telling ourselves that we are healthy, and we only do and eat what a healthy person does, eventually, we will gradually become healthier and live a healthier life.

We will start to see ourselves in a different way. We won’t keep having the same old beliefs about ourselves that we crave junk food.

Instead, we’ll begin to crave vegetables and things that nourish our body, and crave activity over being sedentary.

We can even go into more detail about it to solidify the new belief even more.

Let’s say someone really enjoys fast food, so they eat so much fast food that they can’t lose weight (in fact, they just keep gaining weight).

So they can replace the thought “I really like fast food” with “I hate fast food, it’s so disgusting. I never want to eat fast food again in my life.”

Eventually, if someone said that to themselves every day, they would gradually enjoy fast food less and less until they really didn’t like it and really didn’t want to eat it, and eventually, they really would be disgusted by fast food.

And if they’re not eating fast food, they would have to replace their meals with something else, and it would almost definitely be healthier, so they would be that much more likely to lose weight.

So here’s my four step process for forming new beliefs:

Step one, get a stack of notecards and a pen or marker, and write out all the new beliefs you wish to gain, one belief per notecard.

And every time you have some problem you want to solve about yourself, you can add another notecard to your pile, to create a new belief.

Step two, read each notecard out loud every morning, with a smile on your face, and with an excited, believable tone of voice.

Step three, record yourself reading your new belief notecards out loud and listen to them every day (or multiple times per day).

And finally, Step four, write down each new belief again, every single day in a journal.

This may seem time consuming, but if you want to make a good change in your life, then you’ll do what it takes. It could really only take about 5 minutes per day, so when you think about it that way, would you spend 5 minutes per day to make an awesome change in yourself so you can live a happier life? I would!

So once you feel you’ve mastered something, you can remove the notecard if you want (to save time, since that stack of new beliefs can get pretty big if you’re taking it seriously and adding more new beliefs to your stack).

And if you start to slip back into old patterns, you can always bring that notecard back into your daily reading pile to get back on track again.

This process works because you are reading your new beliefs (so you’re seeing it with your eyes), saying your new beliefs (saying things out loud helps confirm them), writing out your new beliefs (so you’re solidifying the new beliefs even more), and listening to you saying your new beliefs (so you also hear it with your ears).

So doing all of these things together touches on more of the senses and different parts of the brain, which helps it really become ingrained and real to your brain, so that eventually you really believe it about yourself and you start making real positive lasting changes in your life.

So go get some notecards right now and get started.

Do me a quick favor and share this with your friends and family, so they can begin to move forward and achieve the goals and lifestyle they want as well.

And thanks for joining me, I’ll see you next time.

What are some ideas that you have that have helped you form new beliefs to replace your old negative ones? Let me know in a comment!

If this idea inspired you in any way, please share this post with your friends and family on twitter/facebook/google+ etc! Those share buttons on the left hand side of this post are there for a reason! Click one of those buttons! I know you want to… isn’t clicking buttons fun? ;)

Click here to share this on twitter. I already made the tweet for you! How easy is that?

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One Cool Trick to Increase Your Positivity and Motivation #PODCAST

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Listening to motivational speakers on a daily basis increases your positivity, motivation, and your belief in yourself.

Listen now to see how spending just a bit of time each day listening to your favorite motivational speakers can improve your life tremendously:

clickplay

Click here to download the podcast mp3.

Click here to watch the video on YouTube.

Thanks for listening. I always love to hear what you have to say. Here’s my thought question for you today:

Do you listen to motivational speakers on a regular basis? How has that helped improve your life?

Do you agree that listening to motivational speakers gets you going and energizes you to accomplish your biggest goals?

Leave a comment at the bottom of this post and let me know your thoughts!

Your comments don’t fall on blind eyes. I read each and every one! Thanks for contributing to the discussion :)

Podcast Transcript:

Hey everybody it’s Lisha Yost, founder of UpGusto Personal Development. And today I wanted to talk to you a little bit about positivity and remaining positive, and how much of a difference that can make in your life.

I have found that the more I listen to motivational speakers every day, I could just turn on some type of audio recording, listen to that while I do my work. Do that about a half an hour a day, or just all day long, I just find that I enjoy my day so much more, and I even enjoy mundane tasks that I wouldn’t normally like to do.

So I totally recommend just spending some time each day listening to a motivational speaker, or watching a motivational video, or reading some motivational materials, because the funny thing is humans need motivation in order to get anything done, and we need energy to get anything done. And motivation creates energy.

So if you listen to motivational speakers talking into your brain, their positivity, you’ll find that you’ll end up getting more done, you’ll enjoy your day that much more, and you even enjoy the things you don’t like to do.

You may have a goal in life that you want to accomplish and everything else gets in the way and you don’t end up spending any time on moving forward in life and accomplishing the goals you want to accomplish, and turning your dreams into reality. Well, motivational videos, and audio, and reading motivational articles, it gets you that much more likely to do something on a daily basis that will get you to where you want to be in life.

It’s actually scientifically proven that positive people tend to be more successful, and positive people get more done, and positive people make a bigger difference in the world. So, if you’re positive, you’re going to have a better life, the people around you are going to have a better life, and you’re going to make the world a better place. That’s 3 reasons why you should listen to motivational speakers on a daily basis, so that, on a daily basis, you are doing something to get ahead, to accomplish your goals, to become a better person, and to make the world a better place.

Start searching for motivational speakers that really speak to you, that really motivate you, to get you going, and to energize you so that you get stuff done, and you get stuff done that you actually want to do that will move you forward and ahead, and toward where you actually want to be in life.

I know for me, listening to motivational speakers really helps me on a daily basis, and it has made me a much more positive person. And it just amazes me how much more positive I am when I’m just hearing other positive people talking.
You can actually become more positive too. When you’re a negative person, you don’t think you want to be more positive, but when you become more positive, you realize how much better your life is, no matter what you’re circumstances are.

So I encourage you to listen to some motivational speakers every single day.

Get motivated, get energize, get stuff done, get ahead, move forward, make a difference, and I’ll see you next time.

Do you agree that listening to motivational speakers gets you going and energizes you to accomplish your biggest goals?

If this inspired you in any way, please share this.

iTunes is a great place to find motivational podcasts that you can easily subscribe to and listen to daily. Simply search for podcasts in personal development, success, motivation, inspiration, etc.

Recharge Your Life – Spend 3 Days Differently

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One of the reasons for discontentment and a feeling that life just isn’t “good enough” is the lack of variety in our lives. Every day we wake up and do the same things. Changing it up can really give you that oomph, that spark that you’re missing.

Most of us take a day off every week, or you have your usual saturday and sunday weekends. However, my challenge to you, is that no matter what your usual routine, try to do something different for 3 straight days in a row.

Most people say to stick to your routines because then you’ll be able to stick to your habits. But doing the same thing for a long period of time also causes you to feel in a rut, which decreases your motivation to keep on going.

I’m all for creating good habits that you can stick to, and I highly recommend spending many many days on creating those habits. But once you’ve really gotten settled in your habits, and you start to itch for something different, you feel something is missing, then it’s time to change it up.

So basically what I’m instructing you to do is take a 3-day weekend, because your 3 days of difference can’t be spent at work!

Spend these 3 days doing whatever you want.

You might be saying, “well, I can’t because I have children,” or other responsibilities… but the fact is, that most of us have people in our lives who can shoulder our responsibilities for a few days. And if you don’t then that’s for a whole other blog post (you should be building some form of support system in your life–we can’t go it alone).

The thing that brought this idea up to me was the flu. Yep, I had some of my happiest days while suffering with the flu. I was amazed and ecstatic that I found an answer to monotony. And no, I don’t mean purposely getting sick, I mean living your life for a just few days, differently than you ever normally would.

I slept in til noon. I got up and worked for a few hours when I felt like it. When I got too tired, I finished up whatever I was working on and watched tv. I got caught up on all my email newsletters and videos which I had been putting on the back-burner because it’s not a priority. I ate when I felt like it, not based on what time it was, and I ate whatever I wanted (which really wasn’t extreme because you typically don’t feel like eating a lot when you’re sick). I stopped worrying about my husband and the little details of daily life because quite frankly he really can take care of himself. If that were not so, how did he make it all the way up to the time he met me?

I typically do responsibilities first, then after everything that needs to be done is done, I then can spend some time on my hobbies and rest. But when I was sick this past week, I only worked if I felt like it, and I actually got more caught up on things. I believe the reason for this was because I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t putting any expectations on myself. So I felt a lot better about everything I did. I actually chose to do everything I did, rather than feeling required to do it all.

This past week with the flu, a few things fell to the wayside and had to wait, but I was sick afterall, so I had my excuse if anyone had any problems with me about it. Eventually I was able to get to it, so it all worked out.

We don’t always get to use the excuse that we’re sick, however, at times, we all become mentally ill, even for just s short period of time. And I’m not talking about being clinically ill where you need to be institutionalized or put on prescriptions–and there’s nothing wrong with having times like that in your life either, it happens to many people. But what I’m talking about is being functional in life, but going through the motions, passionless. Not going through life with zest–with Gusto!

The point is to feel absolute freedom, for just a few days. Freedom from your daily responsibilities (like work, house-work, cooking, or child-rearing). Freedom from thinking about or considering others in your little daily decisions (like what, where, or when to eat). Freedom from others’ expectations (like what you should be doing right now or with your day). And not only that, but also freedom from your own expectations that you place on yourself. For me that’s actually the hardest part. I didn’t feel happy until I removed all my own expectations that I have of myself and just let myself be sick and happy.

I had this revelation and I went through with it all while I was sick, but I’m planning on doing this a few times a year even when I’m not sick.

We always feel that so many things are important, but only a few things actually are. I read a post on Myrko Thum’s blog where he explains that many times we put urgent things (things we think are important right now) above important things (things which are actually intrinsically important to us for life), which slows us down from accomplishing our goals and feeling fulfilled on a daily basis. If we were to try to lessen the urgent matters in our life and concentrate only on what’s important to us, then we would be able to accomplish our goals and feel happier overall.

One way to practice this is to spend 3 days in a row of doing only what you feel is important. Not what you feel is urgent.

For me it was little things. The time I woke up. What, where, and when I ate. Whether or not I cooked dinner for my husband and I. Letting my husband take on a few more responsibilities for a couple days (by asking him if he would do this or that, so that I didn’t have to). Resting when I felt tired, doing an activity when I felt the urge.

We probably can’t live our lives this way all the time, doing whatever we want when we want (unless you enjoy the responsibilities you already have, which I’m going to talk about in a later post). However, by practicing this from time to time, we will realize what’s truly important and stop letting so-called “urgent” matters take over our lives and our happiness. Some things really are urgent. But many things we label as urgent really could go without care.

So right now, look through your calendar and decide a 3-day weekend in the near future where you can take off work, and/or have someone babysit your kids, etc. Then spend those 3 days just doing whatever you want, whatever you’re inspired to do, taking a mental vacation. If you have kids, your kids don’t have to leave the house, bring someone in to babysit. You get the idea. Just make sure everyone in your household understands what these 3 days mean for you. It’s a time for you to recharge, so you can be even more productive and present to your family and work-life afterward.

It might mean that you accomplish more toward your goals in those 3 days, or you accomplish less than you normally would on a daily basis. Whatever it is, make those 3 days different than how you normally live your life.

If you always spend all your days at home, go out and do things outside of the home. If you are always leaving your house, try not using your car at all for the entire 3 days. But by all means, do what you really feel you want to do so that you’re getting the full experience of freedom.

Take those 3 days to recharge and get some variety in your life, so you’re motivated to get back into the swing of things once those 3 days are done. You’ll love your life even more once it’s over, and you’ll even be happy to get back to your regular responsibilities.

And be sure to thank anyone who helps you through this challenge.

Try it and let me know how it goes for you!

Got any other ideas that help you recharge? Let us know in a comment.